A Day in the Life of Organization XIII
by bluemoonlightgirl
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Organization XIII does when they're not after Kingdom Hearts? Xemnas needs a therapist and Xigbar does the opposite of whatever he's told.
1. Xemnas

**Hello again! I made a new story! Yay! Sorry...anyway, this takes place a little while before _A Tale of Two Idiots_, so I guess it's kinda a prequel. **

**It popped into my head, so I just had to write it down. It's what Xemnas does every single day of his little nobody life...and besides, he's so much fun to torture!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or anything else you're going to read here.

* * *

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A Day in the Life of Organization XIII

Chapter 1

Xemnas

_Beep…beep…beep._

It was around nine in the morning, but Xemnas still felt tired. After all, last night had been Poker Night! Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Lexaeus, Saix and Luxord had all gotten drunk and played about six rounds of Poker, _after_ everyone else went to sleep. They all had dropped dead around four in the morning, due to there consecutive amount of partying and singing "99 Bottles of Rum on the Wall".

_Beep…beep…beep._

"Shut the damn alarm clock up!" Xigbar yelled from his sleeping area, which was on top of Luxord's closet.

Lexaeus got up from the floor, and smashed the poor, defenseless piece of machinery to bits.

"…3 bottles of -_hic-_ rum on the wall, 3 bottles of -_hic-_ rum, take one down, -_hic-_ pass it around, 2 bottles of rum -_hic-_ on the wall…" Saix mumbled, still sitting at the poker table, drinking rum.

"That was one heck of a night, eh?" Luxord said, getting out from under the bed.

"Let's do it again tonight!" Xaldin said, getting off of the dresser.

"Maybe some other time, Xaldin. I think I heard that Axel and Roxas were planning to sneak some rum away…" Xemnas said, getting off of the bar tabletop.

"See ya'll at breakfast then," Lexaeus said, going to the kitchen.

"Come now, Saix. You can go back to the fairy world another time," Xigbar said, trying to drag Saix out of the room.

"Okay! Bye-bye Apple Pie! You too Caramel!" Saix said as he waved to the poker table, where the "fairies" were.

"He _really_ needs some help," Luxord whispered to Xemnas as they made there way to the dining room.

* * *

In the dining room, there was a long table where they ate. What else would they do there anyway? He he…

At one side of the table, Xemnas; at the very end; Luxord, Xigbar, Lexaeus, Vexen, Xaldin, and Saix (who was still in Fairy World) sat. On the other side, somewhere in the middle, Demyx, Zexion, Larxene, Marluxia, Axel and Roxas sat.

"Pass the butter you sadist," Axel said to Larxene, who threw it in his face.

"Call me a sadist one more time and I'll throw my knifes at you!" Larxene yelled.

An evil grin appeared on Axel's butter coated face. "Whatever you say, sadist."

"That's IT!"

"Both of you, cut it out!" Xemnas yelled, looking up from his blueberry pancakes.

"Yes sir," they both sat down, glaring death glares at each other.

"You know, I think we should play poker again tonight. It'll clear your mind," Luxord said, stuffing his face with muffins.

"No, I'm busy. I have to send more Dusks out so they could do evil things," Xemnas said. It was only ten o'clock, but he already had a headache.

"Whatever," Xigbar said, sticking his face in the bacon.

* * *

One hour later, Xemnas went to his car (which was a black truck), hopeing to make a quick getaway to the supermarket without getting caught by the other members. He got into the drivers seat and started the car. Fifteen minutes later he got a nasty surprise.

"Wazz up, Superior?"

Xemnas quickly turned around, nearly getting a heart attack. But he couldn't, cause he didn't have a heart. Poor Xemnas, he couldn't go to the ER now.

"Demyx! How'd you get here?" Xemnas asked the crazed musician.

Demyx crawled up to the passenger seat. "Well, lets see. First a Heartless took my heart, then I turned into a Nobody, then I found my way to The Castl-"

"Not like that, you idiot! I meant, how did you get in my car!"

Demyx laughed to himself. "That's a long story…"

"Tell me now or I'll toss you into oblivion!" Xemnas was getting _really_ mad. His day was going to turn into a living hell, he just knew it.

Demyx gulped. "It was Axel and Roxas! I swear! I didn't do anything!"

"Oh, I'm sure you were an innocent little angel, right?" Xemnas said sarcastically, continuing to drive to the supermarket.

"I knew you were going to believe me! You see, they jumped me when I was making my way to the bathroom. Then they stuck a dirty sock in my mouth, and man did it stink! It smelled like cow shi-"

"Get on with the story," Xemnas said, desperately wanting to throw Demyx in a alligator infested river.

"Well, they tied me up and threw me into your car. They wanted to throw me in Larxene's car, hoping that she'd kill me, but her car wasn't there, thank god, so they put me in your car instead!"

"Oh joy, I'm so happy she didn't get the chance to kill you," Xemnas said, sarcasm dripping off of every word.

"You love me! You really love me!" Demyx yelled, hugging the Superior to death.

"Can't…breath…stop…hugging…ME!" Xemnas yelled, making Demyx sit back in his seat.

Silence. It was actually quite. But it only lasted for five minutes.

"What _now_?" Xemnas turned to find Demyx moving around in his seat.

"You know how I said that I was going to the bathroom, but Axel and Roxas jumped me, so I couldn't?"

"Yeah…" Xemnas didn't like where this was going.

"Well, I have to go really bad!" Demyx said, looking uncomfortable. "Do you, by any chance, have an empty beer bottle?"

Xemnas looked shocked. "And what are you going to do with that?"

Demyx looked up, smiling a very evil smile. "I saw this movie once, some guy pissed in a beer bottle, and a cop pulled them over. The cop took the beer bottle, drank it, and pissed himself."

"That's the last time you're watching any late night movies," Xemnas said, ready to throw up. "We're almost there, can't you wait?"

"No, I really can't."

"Just shut up and think of something else."

"I'll try…"

* * *

They finally managed to get to the parking lot without Xemnas going crazy (he was very close to going crazy though).

Xemnas got out of his car, but noticed that Demyx wasn't following him. He turned around and saw Demyx staring at the passenger seat, eyes wide.

"Demyx, what-" Xemnas stared in horror at the seat.

"Opps…" Demyx said, still staring at the seat.

"Opps? OPPS! You took a crap on my new leather passenger seat, and 'opps' is the only thing you can say! Why I ought to…" Xemnas yelled, ready to beat the living snot out of the idiot musician.

"Xemnas, remember what the doctor said! Remember you have very high blood pressure and that you shouldn't yell like that!" Demyx said, slowing backing away.

"'Remember what the doctor said' my ass," Xemnas said, grabbing some rope.

"No…NO!"

* * *

Around one, Xemnas got back, smiling to himself in a really creepy way. He walked past Marluxia, who was watering some roses near the entrance of the castle.

"La, la, la la la! Oh, hello Superior! What are you so happy about?" The flower loving man asked as Xemnas walked past, looking like a mad man.

As Xemnas walked into the castle, Marluxia heard singing coming from the inside of Xemnas's trunk on his truck.

_"I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me, happy: good, anger: bad, that's my philosophy,_

_I can't do this man, I'm not happy, I'm really special cause there's only one of me,_

_Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy other people are jealous of me,"_

Marluxia pulled out his scythe and slowly walked up to the back of the truck as the person continued singing.

_"I'm special, I'm happy, I'm gonna heap. Welcome to my happy world, now get your shit and leave,_

_I'm happy, I'm good, I'm…I'm oughta here, screw you."_

"Why you…" Marluxia said as he started beating up the trunk.

"No! No, stop! It's me, Demyx! Somebody help! Xemnas tied me up and put me in here! HELP!"

* * *

Xemnas sat back in his armchair, shipping his cup of extra strong coffee. Having tooken care of Demyx, he had nothing else to do but sit around, doing nothing. Ha, so much peace and relaxation.

But it only lasts for so long.

"EVIL BUNNIES WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD! STARTING WITH ORGANIZATION Xlll! MUWHAHAHAHAHA!"

"GO ROT IN THE UNDERWORLD, YOU DUMB BUNNIES!"

Xemnas walked into the hall, only to see Larxene surrounded by cute little white, gray, brown, and/or black bunnies. Did I mention that they were armed?

Larxene looked up and saw Xemnas. "Superior, help! Rabid bunnies have infiltrated the castle! And they're gonna eat me!"

"B-but they're so cute!" Xemnas said, picking up a black one (little did he know, he picked up their leader!) "Aren't you cute!"

"Eat me," the bunny said, staring at Xemnas with red eyes.

Just then, they all heard someone walking toward them. It turned out to be Axel and Roxas.

"But Axel! I had a dream last night…and it was about evil bunnies wanting to take over the Organization!" Roxas said, yanking Axel's sleeve.

"Yeah, sure. And Xemnas is gonna think the leader bunny is cute, right?" Axel said sarcastically as they came across Xemnas and Larxene, surrounded by bunnies.

"I spoke too soon," Axel said as Roxas started to fight the bunnies. "I told you! I told you all! But no, I'm just crazy for thinking the Organization is being taken over by RABID BUNNIES!" Roxas yelled, hitting the bunnies as fast as he could.

"Ugh, I'll get backup!" Axel yelled, running out of the room.

As Xemnas got out his lightsaber things, the rabid bunny bit his hand.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Xemnas said, dropping his weapons.

The bunny pointed it's fluffy paws at Xemnas and broke down laughing.

"You evil little creeps! Die! I command you to DIE!" he yelled, hitting them as the rest of the members appeared to help.

"Man, did anyone give Xemnas his crazy pills this morning?" Roxas asked as they all stared at their cracked Superior.

"I warned him about his blood pressure, but he stuck me in his trunk," Demyx said, an ice block being held on the side of his head.

"Should we save him?" Vexen asked.

They all looked at each other as Xemnas got mugged by the bunnies, who were calling in extra help. "Nah…"

* * *

Two hours and six exterminators later, they managed to get rid of all the bunnies, who had escaped from a nearby laboratory.

"Just you wait, we will have our REVENGE!" the leader bunny yelled, sticking his head out of his own personal cage.

"Bad bunny, no carrots for you!" Saix yelled, still completely drunk. The rabid bunny yelled out one final no as the scientists took them all away.

"My mom was right," Axel said, shaking his head.

"What?" Roxas said.

"Anything that's rabid is evil. Especially Larxene."

Larxene glared at Axel, foaming at the mouth. "Run away!" Axel yelled, running into the castle with Larxene close behind.

"Better go and give Larxene her medicine," Roxas said, pulling out a tranquilizer gun and running after the two nobodies.

* * *

"Rabid Bunnies! What else is going to happen today?" Xemnas asked himself as he walked through the hallway, making sure everyone was behaving themselves. But then he heard noise coming from Axel's room.

"Come on Roxas! Let's go into town, this place is as boring as the underworld," Xemnas heard Axel say.

"Man, you are so lucky! I'm the only one in the Organization that doesn't have a car!"

"Well, your lucky that I'm here. Grab this robe and jump out the window before someone finds out what we're doing."

Xemnas sighed in relief. _At least those two won't make any more trouble around here, _he thought as he continued down the hall.

* * *

He finished patrolling the halls, and all had been normal. Saix was drinking illegal wine, Zexion was listening to some music (he wouldn't say which), and Luxord was playing strippoker with Xigbar and Xaldin. Yeah, everything was normal…as normal as it ever got around here.

The doorbell rang, so Xemnas made his way to the front of the castle. As he got closer, he heard voices.

"Okay, are you sure you live here?" someone asked.

"No, we lived next door with those ladies," another person said, and that person sounded like Axel.

"Yeah, we just went to the store to get some stuff," Roxas said humorously.

"So alcohol is 'some stuff' right?"

Xemnas opened the door to find a cop standing with Axel and Roxas handcuffed next to him.

"Are these two yours?" the cop asked, pointing at the two morons.

Xemnas looked at them, then shock his head.

"What? Superior! Don't you recognize us?" Roxas asked, pouting.

"It's us! You know, the two idiots that prank everyone!" Axel said.

"I've never seen these two before in my life," Xemnas said, slamming the door shut and walking away, hearing the cop attempting to take them down to the big house.

* * *

An hour before dinner, Xemnas decided to watch the news in his black armchair. He looked through the channels. A robbery here, a mugging there, it was complete chaos in Dark City. All of a sudden…

_"We interrupt this program to bring you a special new bulletin. There is a high-speed pursuit in the west side of Dark City. A flame colored sports car is raging through the street at 100 miles-per-hour. There is a red-headed man driving like a drunk madman, and a hyper blonde kid next to him. If you see them, please call the cops. Thank you. Also, please me sure to donate some donuts to us. We really need some."_

Xemnas slapped himself on the forehead. He should have known that they were gonna do that.

In a blink of an eye, a large red car flew into the living through the window, stopping right next to where Xemnas was sitting. The smoke cleared, and Axel and Roxas stepped out of the car to find Xemnas sitting in his armchair, on the brink of insanity.

"Heheheh, hey Superior," Axel said.

"What you doing?" Roxas asked, laughing to himself.

Xemnas's head slowly turned toward them, and if looks could kill, both Axel and Roxas would be dead.

"Look, we're sorry, it's just that-" Axel was cut of as Xemnas got up and made his way toward them, about to do something that would scar them for life.

* * *

Dinnertime. Finally. The Organization sat where they sat that morning, eating quietly. Xemnas's eyes were twitching, so nobody wanted to bother him in fear that he'll explode. Axel and Roxas were sitting arcoss from one another, eyes wide with horror.

"I don't want to know, do I?" Luxord asked Xemnas, who was eating a chickens leg.

"Trust me, you don't," he repiled, giving Axel and Roxas the evil eye.

Axel began shaking, and picked up a bowl of mashed potatoes. Then he threw it at Xemnas.

But, he had very bad aim, and hit Xigbar instead.

"Why you little…" Xigbar said, taking an apple and throwing it back.

And so, the food fight began! There was chicken, pork, ham, beef, salad, ribs, and everything else you can imagine all over the floor, table, and walls. There was pudding in Larxene's hair, salad dressing all over Marluxia, and basically, they all had food all over themselves.

"Boy, that was fun, wasn't it?" Roxas said, laughing with Axel.

"Did you see the Superior? Man, he was ticked!"

"Ticked? TICKED! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THAT YET! OH, YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT NOW!" Xemnas shouted. He was right, this day had turned into a living hell all right. And now he was getting revenge.

"Run for your lives!" Axel yelled, running down a random hallway while Roxas went another way, trying to get away from Xemnas's wrath.

* * *

The Superior walked down the hall, making his was to Luxord's room. He entered without knocking. Looking around, he saw Luxord, Saix. Xigbar, Xaldin, and Lexaeus getting ready to play poker.

"M-mind if I j-join y-you?" Xemnas asked, shaking and twitching all over.

"Yay! Look Apple Pie, Caramel, Xemnas is back!" Saix said to his "fairies".

"99 bottles of rum on the wall, 99 bottles of rum, take one down, pass it around…" Xaldin started as Lexaeus sang along.

"Told you," Luxord said while Xemnas sat down.

"Shut up and start," he said.

And so, another night of playing poker and getting drunk. The others must have enjoyed listening to them singing all night. Ha!

* * *

**The song Demyx was singing is called (I think) The Happy Song. I foundit on YouTube. If you want to see it, go to YouTube and type in "Demyx Sings The Happy Song".**

**BTW, does anyone know what movie I got the 'pissing in a beer bottle' from? I know, but do you? R&R!**


	2. Xigbar

**(Hides from angry reviewers) Don't...kill...me...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

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A Day in the Life of Organization XIII

Chapter 2

Xigbar

Beep…beep…

A hand reached out from under the mess of blankets, picked up the alarm clock, and chucked it out the open window. And Xigbar didn't even get up.

"Hey Xigbar!"

The Freeshooter fell out of his bed at the sudden noise. Looking around, he saw Demyx in the doorway. Now, if it was any other member who had woken him up, he would have shot 'em in the head.

"Yeah dude?" Xigbar asked, getting up and walking over to his closet to get his cloak.

"Breakfast starts in five minutes! Everyone's already there," Demyx said, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Calm down, calm down!" Xigbar joked, patting Demyx on the back as they walked down the hall.

"Okay, but when are you gonna talk to Xemnas about our trip?" Demyx asked, still excited.

Xigbar smiled. "Don't worry, I'll talk to Mansex about it today."

* * *

They got to the dining room just in time. It was a normal breakfast, just like every other day. Axel and Larxene were arguing, Roxas was eating the Organization's sugar supply, and Luxord was making bets with Xaldin and Lexaeus.

"Pass the bacon," Xigbar said, "and the bread, cheese, eggs, and butter."

"Pig," Vexen muttered, giving him all the food.

"Why, thank you old timer," Xigbar said, smiling.

"Speak for yourself."

"Say we should play poker again tonight," Luxord said, looking up from his conversation.

"No! I mean, I'm busy…" Xemnas said, returning to his food.

"Busy with what? Calling therapists over for house calls?" Xigbar laughed at his own joke as some other members laughed as well.

"Ha, ha, ha. _So_ funny Xigbar," Xemnas said, glaring at Xigbar for the whole breakfast.

* * *

Xigbar sat at his desk, twirling a pencil around as he was thinking. In front of him were a small stack of papers, "Evil Plans That Make Every Day Fun!" or, "Pranks That Drive The Organization Crazy Every Day!" He was currently trying to help the Organization's well known pranksters out a little by "burrowing" some of Larxene's undergarments.

A high pitch scream was heard from the hall, and the people with enough sanity (two or three people) locked themselves in their rooms to escape the furry of The Savage Nymph.

Xigbar quickly stuffed Larxene's undergarments into a box, along with the evil plans, and threw the box into his closet. Moments later, the door flew open revealing Larxene.

"Have you seen my cloths? I left them in the laundry room, and the next thing I know, they're gone," she said in a sweet voice, which quickly turned deadly. "And if I ever find out who took them, I'll have their head!" She slammed the door closed and moved onto the next room. Xigbar sighed, glad that she was gone.

A few minutes after she left, Roxas ran into the room, excited. "Quick, give them to me!" Xigbar grabbed the box, and stuffed it into the newest members hands. "Run for ye life!" Xigbar yelled, cracking up as Roxas ran out the door.

After he was done, he got up and went to Xemnas's room to talk to him about what he and Demyx planned. On the way he could have sworn he saw blood on the wall…

* * *

Upon arriving to Xemnas's room, he heard Saix and the Superior taking.

"Superior, what are we going to do about Axel and Roxas?"

"Why, what'd they do this time?"

"I saw Larxene chasing them, saying something about how she could show them something that could scar them for life."

"Stop them then."

"Yes sir."

Saix soon came out only to see Xigbar rolling on the ground from laughing so hard. He stood up and smile at Saix innocently as he walked away. Then he stepped into Xemnas's room.

"What?" Xemnas asked.

"Well…"

* * *

"So, you want to go to the beach?"

Xigbar nodded with a smile on his face.

"And you're going to take Demyx, Axel, and Roxas with you?"

Nod.

Xemnas sat back down in his chair. "Fine, you can go. But you are older then them, and what are you not supposed to do?"

"Don't give them any drugs, don't get Axel intoxicated, and don't let Demyx and Roxas get a hold of anything that contains sugar," Xigbar said, counting the points off on his fingers. "Oh yeah, and I'm not supposed to let Axel drive either, or Demyx and Roxas 'cause they're underage."

"Good," Xemnas said. "Now you can go."

In a spilt second, Xigbar was already out the door.

* * *

Axel, Demyx, and Roxas were in the living room, driving Larxene and Zexion crazy. A minute later, Xigbar slid to a halt in front of the entrance to the room, wearing only a pair of swim shorts and holding a surfboard over his shoulder. "To the hippie mobile boys!"

Axel, Demyx, and Roxas jumped up, grabbed a bunch of beach stuff, and ran after the Freeshooter.

"_Finally,_" Larxene muttered as she and Zexion pulled out their earplugs.

* * *

Outside, the four were chucking things into Xigbar's "hippie" . Including an umbrella, some chairs, four surfboards, a blanket, and a bunch of other junk they needed at the beach. They got into their seats, Xigbar in the drivers seat with Axel in the passenger seat. Demyx and Roxas were sitting in the only two seats in the back of the car.

"So, are we going to stick to the plan?" Axel asked, opening up a bottle of coke.

"Yup," Xigbar said, "Everyone know what to do?"

They all nodded.

* * *

A few minutes later, they were driving over the speed limit and had successfully made a cop pull them over. As the cop was on one side of the van, Demyx and Roxas silently crept out on the other side, unnoticed by the cop.

The cop came over to Xigbar's window and looked in. "Do you realize that you're 100 miles over the speed limit?"

"No," Xigbar replied, pointing to the speed meter. "It's busted."

The cop (oh what the hell, I'll call him Bob) eyed them both. Meanwhile, Demyx and Roxas had snuck over to Bob's car as he interrogated Xigbar and Axel. The car doors were unlocked, so they got in.

"Great, he took the keys with him," Demyx said, getting into the passenger seat as Roxas got into the drivers seat.

"That's okay, there's more than one way to start a car," Roxas smirked as he began fiddling with some wires. Demyx gulped and buckled up, fearing what would happen if Roxas started driving.

Back with Xigbar and Axel, Bob was looking at Xigbar's drivers license. "Well, it looks legal enough…"

"Of course it's legal!" Xigbar said dramatically as Axel laughed under his breath. "Do I look like the kind of person to _forge_?"

"Uh huh," Bob said, not paying attention as he looked at Axel. "Where's yours?"

Axel shrugged. "Don't have one."

"Why?"

"Confiscated."

Bob eyed them again. "Well, I better be goi-, my car!"

Sure enough, his car had zoomed past, with Roxas driving.

_"…I'm not supposed to let Demyx and Roxas drive, 'cause they're underage…"_

"Damn, that's the third car this week that's been hotwired, and it's only Monday!" he yelled, running after that car as Xigbar and Axel high-fived each other, laughing. "Mission accomplished!"

* * *

Half and hour later, they reached a deserted part of the beach. When they got out, they saw that the cop car had gotten stuck between some huge rocks, and because it was low tide, the water hadn't covered it yet.

"Dude, what happened?" Xigbar asked Demyx, who was on the shore, watching a sugar high Roxas laying on top of the car, singing.

"Well," Demyx started, "He hotwired the car, then lost his mind. _Then,_ he drove it into those rocks."

"Have you two seen the cop?" Axel asked.

Demyx shock his head. "Nope. Probably gave up about halfway."

Xigbar crossed his arms over his chest. "Enough cit-chat. We're at the beach! Let's have some fun!"

A few minutes later, after Axel had successfully pulled Roxas off the car, they started unloading the "hippie" mobile. Roxas had dug a hole and buried Axel in it. So now only his head was visible as Roxas went in the water to surf.

Meanwhile, Xigbar and Demyx were sitting around, eating some watermelons.

"Hey Xigbar," Demyx started, "What were you like when you were a kid?"

Xigbar spit some seeds out before replying. "I was a spoiled brat. But I was a smart little ass."

"Is that how you lost your eye?"

"Pretty much."

_"Hey granddad, they ain't no more bullets in this - AH, MY FUCKIN' EYE!"_

"Yeah, me and my granddad were hunting chocobos, but I ended up shooting my eye out."

"You were smarter then that, right? You were that guy's apprentice…"

"Yeah, Master Ansem…"

_"If we mix this very dangerous chemical with this flammable one, then it will successfully make…crack!"_

"Oh man, Even was always so pissed when he saw me in his lab. He always yelled at me for being so stupid sometimes."

"But weren't you all brilliant scientists?"

"You see the on/off switch at the side of my head? My brain sometimes stops working." Xigbar reached into the cooler and brought out a bottle. "Hey Axel, catch!" He threw the bottle to Axel, but sinse Axel's head was the only thing sticking out of the sand, the bottle hit him instead and knocked him out.

"Opps," Xigbar said. "Wasn't supposed to do that until after he got drunk…"

Demyx gave Xigbar a weird look, then went back to eating as Roxas continued falling off his surfboard.

* * *

After Axel had woken up, dug himself out of the hole, and drank the bottle that knocked him out in the first place, he ran across the beach stark naked, hollering like a moron.

_"…don't get Axel intoxicated…"_

Xigbar laughed to himself nervously, realizing that he had done two of the things that Xemnas said he shouldn't do.

The other two boys were surfing; Demyx was trying to teach Roxas how to stay on his board long enough to catch a decent wave. Too bad Roxas was too high on sugar to be able to stay on the board straight.

Xigbar looked over to the cop car, which was about to be covered with water any minute as the high tide approached. He was bored enough, maybe he could look through the car for some stuff to sell off on ebay…?

Shrugging, he went over to the back of the car and tried opening the trunk. Axel came over, drunk, asking what he was the doing.

"I'm going to open this thing so we could snag some stuff. Say Demyx, when does high tide get here?" Xigbar asked as the two boys came up to them.

"Half an hour," Demyx asked. "Why?"

"We're going to snag some stuff out of this car."

"B-But, won't be get in trouble?"

"What Bob don't know can't kill 'em," Xigbar said as he took out his gun and shot at the lock. It blew off and Axel opened the car door. What they saw made them gasp.

"Porn magazines, video tapes of something that will probably make me sick, and…a bra!?" Roxas quickly threw it away.

Axel started looking through the magazines, also taking some and stuffing them into his pockets. "Good god! This cop is a pervert!" Xigbar yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "Come on guys, it's getting late and we need to get home before Xemnas throws a fit."

They packed up and made their way over to the car. Axel got there first, and sat in the drivers seat.

_"…Oh yeah, and I'm not supposed to let Axel drive either…" _The words rang in Xigbar's mind, but he didn't hear them as they all got into the car.

Roxas and Demyx sat in the two back seats, with Roxas smiling in a wicked way as he pulled out a bag of sugar and two spoons. Handing one spoon to Demyx, Roxas opened the bag and started eating.

_"…Don't let Demyx and Roxas get a hold of anything that contains sugar…"_

Meanwhile, Axel started driving and Xigbar climbed up on top of the car. "I'm king of the world!" Xigbar yelled as the sugar started to sink into the boys. Roxas blasted the music and Demyx held onto the seat for dear life as Axel sped through the streets.

* * *

Getting Axel to stop was a piece of cake. Conveniently, he drove into a ditch, making Xigbar's job a whole lot easier. Roxas and Demyx had fallen asleep, so Axel was Xigbar's only problem.

As he wobbled around outside of the car (really drunk) Xigbar had knocked him upside the head with a brick and tossed him in the back of the van. Now all he had to do was get the car out of the ditch…

* * *

They got home at around eleven, also seeing Xemnas outside. He had either came outside to get some fresh air or to get into his car to get some aspirin at the nearest pharmacy. Turns out he was heading toward them.

"You're home late," Xemnas said, standing at the back of the car with Xigbar.

"Well, you see…we lost track of time…but we had so much fun!" Xigbar yelled. Sugar-high boys, drunk men, stealing a cop's car, and finding porn magazines in the same car. Fun, ain't it?

Xemnas just stared at the man. "Where are they?"

Xigbar opened the back door, revealing an unconscious Axel, on the ground, snoring.

Xemnas looked at the man and then turned back to Xigbar. "He got drunk didn't he?"

"Drunk? No, no, no! He just…yeah he got drunk,"

"And where are Number IX and XIII?"

"They're sleeping like the angels they are."

"You let them have sugar didn't you?"

"What makes you say that?"

Xemnas picked up a random candy wrapper from the car's floor and shoved it in Xigbar's face.

The gun loving man sighed. "Fine, fine! You win. I did all the things you told me not to do! Expect give them drugs. Are you happy now?"

"Very," Xemnas said, smiling as a pissed off Luxord appeared behind The Superior, putting a large bag of munny into the man's hand, then disappearing afterward.

Xigbar's mouth was almost touching the ground. "Y-You were betting on me? Wait, this has to do with the therapist crack from this morning, right?"

Xemnas smiled. "Yes, now if you would be so kind, please take these three to there rooms. Goodnight, Number II." With that, he walked back into the castle, leaving an angry Freeshooter to carry the three unconscious Nobodies back into the castle.

* * *

**I haven't updated this since...July!? I hate writer's block...**


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